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Neoseeker : Blogs : The Deathwind : How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to ruin my pickup line. Hi, I'm Mike.
The Blogwind
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to ruin my pickup line. Hi, I'm Mike.
Oh, hi, Neoseeker, I was just thinking of something to rant about, then I remembered I actually said a pickup line in public on Friday and immediately thought "oh my god, these are such a crap way to get a woman it's not funny".
I can't quite describe them (or the immense shame I felt when I realised what I'd said) in my own words, so I'll just tear a few to shreds from this website and hope that I'm looking at this the right way.
"Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?"
Cheesey. Yawn.
"Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle."
Uhm, no. Creep.
"Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get."
... You've just met me.
"Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!"
I'd construct an actual response to this, but in no way would I ever endorse picking up a woman for the sole purposes of making babies. Children come from deep and meaningful relationships, not one-night-stands. Actually, scratch all of that, I just wouldn't endorse making babies at all. =\
"Hi, have you got a boyfriend? (if no,) Are you taking applications?"
Once again, Jesus Christ no. While I speak as the man who lives in the friend zone, going for them in the first five seconds? Eww. No.
"My love for you is like the universe...neverending!!"
Also, WHAT THE HELL WE'VE JUST MET.
"Papa bear looked ok, mama bear looked a little better, but mmmm baby bear looks just right!"
... This one reeks of paedophilia. That's all I'll say on the matter.
"That outfit is horrible take it off right now!!!"
because as we all know saying a woman has bad taste is an excellent way to get in her pants
then again if she falls for that she actually does have terrible taste so i suppose this fufils itself
still pretty crap though
"Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted"
... Okay?
"If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard."
Eww.
"Hey, your name is sexy, right?"
No, my name is Michael, or optionally Mike.
"Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?"
... You know what? No. Just no. I don't think I can take these anymore. How the bloody hell can any woman worth picking up actually fall for these?
And yes, I am still single, why do you ask?
I can't quite describe them (or the immense shame I felt when I realised what I'd said) in my own words, so I'll just tear a few to shreds from this website and hope that I'm looking at this the right way.
"Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?"
Cheesey. Yawn.
"Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle."
Uhm, no. Creep.
"Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get."
... You've just met me.
"Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!"
I'd construct an actual response to this, but in no way would I ever endorse picking up a woman for the sole purposes of making babies. Children come from deep and meaningful relationships, not one-night-stands. Actually, scratch all of that, I just wouldn't endorse making babies at all. =\
"Hi, have you got a boyfriend? (if no,) Are you taking applications?"
Once again, Jesus Christ no. While I speak as the man who lives in the friend zone, going for them in the first five seconds? Eww. No.
"My love for you is like the universe...neverending!!"
Also, WHAT THE HELL WE'VE JUST MET.
"Papa bear looked ok, mama bear looked a little better, but mmmm baby bear looks just right!"
... This one reeks of paedophilia. That's all I'll say on the matter.
"That outfit is horrible take it off right now!!!"
because as we all know saying a woman has bad taste is an excellent way to get in her pants
then again if she falls for that she actually does have terrible taste so i suppose this fufils itself
still pretty crap though
"Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted"
... Okay?
"If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard."
Eww.
"Hey, your name is sexy, right?"
No, my name is Michael, or optionally Mike.
"Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?"
... You know what? No. Just no. I don't think I can take these anymore. How the bloody hell can any woman worth picking up actually fall for these?
And yes, I am still single, why do you ask?
Comments
-
Demonfurby
since Dec 2005 | Oct 3, 09Are these all real pickup lines? What the *bleep* -
The Deathwind since Jun 2006 | Oct 11, 09They came from that site, so I'm assuming so. =\
The Deathwind
Southampton, Hampshire, England 
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