Quierta's blog

"Yea, well, it's kinda strange.

You think you have the someone and that the someone has you, but after a while you take it for granted, ya know? You just assume the someone will always be there, and that the someone will stick with you no matter what. So what you once fought so hard for becomes something that you don't need to fight for at all, and you kinda let yourself go. You stop trying. Why? Because you already have them, and they're all you need. So then it becomes okay for them to go off on their own and do their own thing. But it gets scary, ya know? When all they do is their own thing and you have no idea who they are anymore. I mean, you used to. You used to be really close, almost like the same person.

Well, now, that's a totally different topic isn't it? 'The same person'. No one can be the same - there'll never be another you! Barney told me that. Well, he was kinda right and kinda wrong, because sometimes someone finds someone who is really like them. Different enough to be interesting, but so similar that it's sorta like they were made from the same mold. She might be tiny and bony and he might be a little soft and squishy, but they do kinda fit in like a cookie cutter. They can talk about anything and share anything, and she can act herself without him having to play along because it's who he is. They're so alike that people feel like they're watching a sitcom because it's so rehearsed and so uniform because they just know each others' minds by heart. And supporting each other is no issue, ya know? They just love what each other does, ya know? Ya know?

No, I don't think you know, because sometimes not even they know how right they are. Well, they might at the beginning, but after being with each other for so long it just all kinda mixes and molds and becomes the same thing so that you forget what it was like to find out that there was another, more awesome you running around.

And, well, after a while they sorta forget what it feels like to be completely happy and so there's nothing holding them together, so it sorta falls apart. Kinda like glue that's gone too dry, ya know? It held together so strong and so hard but eventually it was like "ef tis s" and turned into a pile of poopie.

And it hurts a lot but you can't help it. You don't think it will hurt because you've been through it before. So you start thinking how come this hurts so much? How come isn't gonna go away like the other ones did? And after a while you sorta come up with the reason. There have been other someones who haven't quite cut the cheese and you left or they left but there was always something you were happy about. There was always something wrong with them that you were glad to leave, something where you could say 'oh I'm glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.' And you try to find that thing in this someone but there isn't one because there was nothing wrong with the someone and no reason for you to leave him, so you weren't gonna leave him. But you tried your best and it was all you could have done, and there was nothing you could do to fix it so it hurts more than you ever thought it would hurt. How it hurt.

But then you think even more about it and realize that you had no reason to break up with them but they had some to break up with you, ya know? Like maybe you weren't as pretty as someone else and maybe you weren't as fun as someone else and maybe you weren't good enough to keep them entertained for very long so even if you couldn't have each other right away there was nothing really special about you that made you worth the wait, ya know? Nothing that they had to have so bad that they could just ignore that they couldn't have you as long as eventually it would happen. So now you're starting to feel worse, ya know? Because you know you're not the prettiest and you're not the smartest or the closest and most of the time you're not the most fun but you thought there was something about you that made him like you, ya know? You thought that you were different and that's why he chose you but now it's kinda weird, ya know? Like you find out that you weren't that special at all and you were kinda just like a waiting room until he got tired of waiting and decided to leave so he could start over.

And sometimes after you fall apart one of them will find someone else who they match and then it starts all over again. But now the other has no one."