Matt Addison's blog

So when we last spoke, we left the heroes in a bit of a bind as they had to navigate their way through the dilapidated basement of Alunze Castle, leaving behind a guard with a nasty bruise to his head (And ego) and another that proclaims that he had been sleeping, but doesn't want anyone to find out!

The basement really could do with a big make over. There's so much space to be utilized. Some carpet here, drapes there, and maybe a few items of furniture and voila~! The King has a nice little illegal gambling hall right beneath his very castle. I'll just get on the phone to Grace Adler Designs, I'm sure she'll do a grand job! ;D

What I don't get though is that amidst the drab setting, there is a puzzle that one must solve involving coloured blocks that must line up in sets of three or more. They look like large clusters of jewels. Can you imagine the size of Maxim's pupils when he sees this. Wow! If he could sneak these puppies out of the dungeon then no-one would need to worry about seeing the crown jewels, or whatever. Push the blocks to align with each other, gathering the same colours together and... Pop! They dissapear! Oh well, better luck next time. At least when the puzzle is completed correctly, the door opens so that the heroes may continue their pursuit.

I must make mention though that I do admire the courage of JELZE the Foomy. Whilst he may be a white pudding of edible description, he can packa punch. He also doesn't escape from battle which means that the monsters may sometimes focus on him. This can be good in some regards, but then there is the fact that sometimes he'll just randomly defend. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! You haven't even taken any damage you blob of lard! Or maybe it's curdled yogurt? TASTY!

The party eventually catch up with the fleeing thiveves only to jump down into an empty aquaduct. This action sees the crown bandits on the other side of the causeway who step on a switch to raise a barrier between the two. Oh uh! It looks like the party are now in a predicament because they are in a part of the aquaduct that can have water channelled through it, and the water switch is on the other side where the bandits are. Berty and Bart dance around in victory before click, water comes through and washes them away like deadwood. They didn't even have a chance to change into bathing suits, the water came that quickly! But, as Tia so aptly puts... What weirdos!

The crown can be found a little ways down, appearing to have been dropped by the misfit bandits. Perhaps they should have just stuck with using bombs?

Reclaiming the crown, and a small victory, the party return to see the King. In gratitude he offers the party a reward of options that they can choose from. Maxim, being the gentleman that he is, asks for nothing which prompts a reward of 3000 gold! Man can this King cough up! Another option is to ask for "King". One would presume that this would mean that Maxim wants to be King, however the King completely blows the whole situation out of context, assuming that Maxim wishes to go to bed with him. This would, of course leave a perplexed and puzzled look on Tia's face, an uncertain one on Maxim's, a large grin on the King's and a shift in putty on Foomy's.

Back to reality though, the party end up heading back to town to rest and find out that a child, Abel had taken off to the North Shrine. The party decide it would be nice to pay the kid a visit - even though they don't know him. Tia has lots of candy though!

It's found that the door is locked and the kid is nowhere to be seen, so the party head off to a cave north-west of Alunze to find yet another dungeon, and the kid with a look on his face that a child could only provide when they have peed their own pants. That sullen look of guilt. The party discover that he threw the key at a monster in an attempt to be rid of it. Well, the kid wasn't eaten, so it must have worked. However, like the Lizard Man, the monster decided to run off with the key to the bottom of the dungeon. This is all found out by Tia who plays super mum, and even thinks on the point that she's ready to have children. IF ONLY MAXIM WOULD PUT OUT NOW!! Wait, shouldn't the girl be refraining? Tia, you little whore... >_>;

The dungeon is one that is long and arduous, consiting of falling down holes in the floor, pushing blocks and pillars and getting trapped in spike traps with hungry Cobalts after them. At least the monsters have the civility to keep themselves in check and not display their cravings and lust like a certain breed of Skeleton...!

On the bottom most floor the party enounters the Regal Goblin, so self proclaimed due to the armour that he wears. He looks more like something out of Star Wars than anything of regalia to me. But, whatever floats his boat. He wasn't even that powerful either, taking a few strikes to take out. Even the magic weilding companion he summoned wasn't much of a match for the might of Tia and Maxim, not forgetting the marshmellow Foomy of course! Eeeeeeee!.

The Shrine Key is found in a blue chest held behind spike traps and taken back to the shrine where the party let through a woman named Hilda who's daft and tries to get through the door before it's been unlocked. Silly woman! She tells the party that she's from Tanbel and ask them to pop around for a free stay. Sounds good to me.

When the party finally reach Tanbel they find Hilda who introduces her brother, Guy who spars off with her with sexist words, proclaiming that women are useless. I can just see Tia's fists bunching up as she prepares to swing that Fry Pan, and using the Chop Board to deflect any retalitation. She pats her dress down looking for the items and turns to a burp / more a gurgle from the Capsule Monster. Part of the board and the handle of the pan seeping into the white mess. WHAT?! IT ATE THEM?!?!

Hilda goes to set up and cook a meal, leaving Guy to invite Maxim to spar. The invitation is accepted and as Guy is about the perform his super finishing move, jumping into the air for dramatic effect, monsters appear. Two cronies are directed to attack the party and despite the boss music playing for epicness, the battle isn't at all epic - not in the least. The cronies go down quite quickly leaving their boss to sulk and run away but not before kidnapping Hilda.

Here we go, another FETCH quest. I am starting to think that this is a game that's more suited to dog training, considering most of the quests are fetch this, or fetch that. Never mind that the actual item in question is a person. However, if she wants to be objectified then so be it. Well with nothing better to do, the party decide to join with Guy to rescue his sister.

What good samaritans! ;D