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Oblivion is my Home
Haunted by my love's ex-girlfriend.
Being up awake in the middle of the night is no different at all especially since thousands of other teenagers like me are doing the same. But maybe I am quite different since my grandma’s house is in the middle of the woods, I’m sitting in an old oak chair inside the old storage room and the only sound I could hear is the ticking of the clock. I could hear faint howls of wild dogs but I don’t want to think they even exist.
I had dusted the old mirror in front of me before I sat down and rummaged in my old closet. I found this old black leather notebook filled with cobwebs. I prefer to write in a moleskine but I’m so dirt poor I can’t even afford to buy myself one. Anyway, I think I looked beautiful as I stare at myself in the broken mirror. My black eyeliner smudged under my eyes, my lips red because of bleeding, my teeth are so white and my long black hair curling at the end, I think I looked perfect for a Halloween party. I don’t even have to wear make-ups. ;34;
I slept without washing my face, I just woke up because I had dreamt of DJ kissing me when I suddenly realized that it wasn’t me he was kissing. It was Lucy.
- My bed felt hard against my back and I couldn’t sleep anymore. The lump in my throat made me feel worse because I’m trying so hard not to cry. I went downstairs to look for something that would distract me. My eyes feasted on the powdered creamers in a jar, I made myself some coffee and dumped the half of the jar in. My coffee looked like friggin’ hot milk. <3
On my way towards the storage room, I stepped onto a broken glass that made me bite my lower lip and wince in pain. I am so prone in stepping onto different kinds of things. =\ I never learn to wear my slippers at home, I’m just used to walking barefoot around. I just wish that one taught me a lesson.
I can’t get her out of my head. I bet she’s really pretty and maybe she’s funny and interesting to talk to. He said he never felt anything for anyone the way he had felt for Lucy. I don’t even know her; I wonder why she haunts me in my dreams. Gee, I could even hear her laughing. If I didn’t think I’m going crazy maybe I’ll join her. Maybe we’ll both laugh at poor pathetic Nikki for failing so hard.
The clock struck three in the morning when suddenly the light above my head flickered. The light danced dimly over the unpainted walls for a moment before it became weak and slowly died down. Normally, I would run off as fast as I could because I’m such a big coward but I just sat there, wide eyed, thinking that this must how it felt like to be blind.
My breathing was slow; it echoed and rang through my ears. Distracting myself failed because even there, seated at the last place I’d rather be, I still think of him. I wished my life would stop revolving around him for a moment, I wished I could stop thinking about him for an hour and I wished I would stop comparing myself to Lucy because I’ll never win. Then I wished for some light because I felt at something tugging my blouse, I was gagging myself trying hard not to scream!
Stupid sentiments, stupid lighting and stupid me for drinking coffee, I thought as I groped my way towards the shelves, shaking and trying to be careful not to put too much force on my bleeding sole. Luck has finally found me when I grasped a flashlight. My heart was racing when I turned it on… It’s just me, the clock, and the moon reflecting on the window, no bloody chopped-off hands anywhere. The old oak chair creaked when I sat back and sighed. I was half expecting to see a horrible-looking being behind me when I glanced at the mirror again. There was none.
It was just me, my dark eyes and my unruly hair.
The glass was cold against my palm when I wiped it as I slowly leaned in closer. The hair on my arms and on my nape stood up and I grew suddenly cold. Damn. I must have looked really scary I even scared the shit out of myself. I realized that and smiled in amusement.
I just love how my teeth sparkled in between my lovely bleeding lips and the way my lashes flutter above the black smudges. Though I think Lucy’s a really pretty name, I just love to have been named Nikki. And though he thinks she’s better than me, I just love to be me.
I just love to watch the dawn breaking outside, just love how I felt so tired, and just love the idea of going back to bed. Oh, good morning Lucy, now get the *bleep* out of my head. :)
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Marooned Chic
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Poor Nikki :/
Srsly, you made me laugh. Thanks.
D:
Hope you become saner soon.