Ditnopota's Blog Extravaganza

Hello there, my name is Morgan Freeman. I can only assume that you are reading this book because you have vast interest in my personal life and wish to know why it is that I am the man I am today. Well, son, you've come to the right place. The Wikihooba Joo just likes to make up slanderous nonsense about me left and right, so I felt it was required of me to set the record straight. And that's exactly what this autobiography is going to do. This has been the brief introduction to my novel. And I have been Morgan Freeman. Thank you.





Chapter 1: Spawn Point Set

It was a cold, dark day in my mother's inflamed uterus the day I was born. It felt as though I was being strangled by an eel while watching a Tim Burton movie, which is coincidentally how David Carradine died. I even remember the exact temperature of the inside of my mother's *
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Chapter ideas and shit

"Chapter 1 of "The Bible II: Extra Sausage":

- Introduce Morgan Freeman.
- Make a few racist jokes and add in a substory involving Jesus Christ.
- Try my best to include Sailor Moon for the rest of the chapter so I have a decent chance of submitting novel to Fanfiction.net afterwards (this will be the only chapter including Sailor Moon-related shenanigans, so I will laugh if the entire damn novel gets accepted)
- Add mystery around Morgan Freeman's current activities before transitioning into the events surrounding his birth.
- Make more racist jokes.
- End chapter with a quip.

Chapter 2:

- Talk about Morgan Freeman growing up in the small backalleys of the shantytowns of Zimbabwe.
- Reveal that his grandfather is drug lord, and use this as a way to bring Mr. Freeman to the U.S.
- Include the events from Exercise 1, including (but not limited to) Morgan Freeman's grandpa bei
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MORE STORIES YAY

"Me and Tom Hanks were sent by the commisioner to bring back our prime suspect in Sharon Tate's murder, and we had just pulled up in front of the supposed address. I pulled my hands away from the steering wheel and glanced at the crumpled up paper in my lap that had the address sloppily written down. Tom Hanks looked over at the place and said, "This can't be right"

I asked, "Why not?"

He glanced at me and then back out the window and replied, "We're at a daycare center."

Now I was getting worried. What kind of sick bastard would use a place like this to evade authorities? It disoriented me and made me confused enough to fit the criteria for this particular exercise. I pulled out my .44 Magnum and looked over at Hanks. He asked, "You really think we should go in guns blazing this time? Last time we went into a daycare with our guns drawn, we became registered *bleep* offend
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CHARACTER SHEETS OMG!

"Full Name: Morgan Freeman
Gender: Male
Age: 74
Birthday: June 1, 1937
Personality: Dull, but intense. Only way to describe it.
Appearance: That of an old black man. Normally wears a nice business suit, sometimes with a quaint hat.
Where They Live: Wherever the hell he wants. But mostly the U.S.
Short Biography: God himself in human form. Not quite Jesus... but something better. God encased himself in this human being just to be able to have this amazing biography written about Himself to replace that other shitty one.
Religious Views: Atheist
Strengths: Everything
Weaknesses: Nothing
Family: Tom Hanks, Gary Sinise, and Michael Clark Duncan
Superstitions: He's afraid of calling black cats 'black cats', so he has promptly offered to stop calling white cats 'white cats' if they do the same for the black ones.
Greatest Fear: Losing his voice
Favorite Food: Biscuits and Gravy
Favorite
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More nonsense I feel I should save.

"Adolph Hitler had left his bunker for a few hours to get some bratwurst from the local deli. He had never gone more than two weeks without taking a nice large bite out of some hot, meaty sausage. "Ooooh, zis vill be delicious", Adolph Hitler thought as he parked in front of the deli, but as he got out of his Mercedes and walked closer, he noticed that the store had a sign in the window that advertised kosher meats. So with the taste of disappointment filling his mouth instead of fresh, juicy sausage, Adolph Hitler decided to go home.
As Hitler got back into his car, he was alerted by his Hansen ringtone that his wife was calling him. "Oh, she probvavly vanted me to pick up some bratvurst for her too. She von't be too happy avout zis...", Adolph Hitler thought as he picked up his phone.

Hitler asked, "Hello, Eva? Vat did you need?", but he all he heard
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Yep, finally doing it. And I figured that I'd keep record of every single game I ever rented here just for the hell of it.

Rune Factory: Tides of Destiny
God of War Origins Collection
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay
Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare Collection
Borderlands (PS3)
Captain America: Super Soldier
Sniper: Ghost Warrior
Terminator: Salvation
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (Third Rental)
Duke Nukem Forever
Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (Second Rental)
3D Dot Game Heroes
Bulletstorm
Final Fantasy X
Etrian Odyssey III: The Drowned City
Kingdom Hearts II
Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days
Call of Duty: Black Ops
Chrono Trigger
Pokemon Ranger: Guardian Sign
Fallout: New Vegas
Dead Rising 2
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (First Rental)
Rock Band
Band Hero
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Double Agent
Half-Life 2: The Orange Box
Alpha Protocol
Alan Wake
Wild Arms 3
Prototype
Res
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1014 Words in 40 minutes for an exercise in one of the NaNoWriMo threads. I found it slightly humourous, so I didn't want to just ditch it. So I'll just post it here. Warning, it is very racist and somewhat graphic.


"It was a warm summer back in 1962 when I first realized I had an amazingly beautiful narration voice. Hello, my name is Morgan Freeman, and I was hired by myself to narrate my own life story. You see, not all too long ago, I got paid to commentate over some *bleep*ing penguins, so I figure I can do just about anything. Hell, I could make a March of the Penguins 2 if I really wanted! But I'm tied up with that Science Channel show at the moment, so maybe not. But I'm digressing, back to my life story.

I was sitting on my grandfather's porch, making whistles for the local children using 2 blades of grass and some glue. I had been into my father's liquor cabinet that morning, so
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