I know that it's been awhile. That I kinda turned into static. But it's impossible to be everywhere for everyone and yet be no where for yourself. I know that doesn't make any sense. But sometimes I just need that solitude of self.
My boyfriend doesn't understand this. If he even is my boyfriend still at this point.
I don't know if I love him anymore. I'm not sure what I feel when it comes to this relationship. All I know is. I have his voice in my head. Not my voice. My voice is the one writing this. Or is that my thought.
Confusing? Confused. Yea. But I am not blind enough not to see the huge gap between what I want and what I have as my reality.
What I'd like to have is so far away from me. And what I have is such a disappointment.
But..I am not unhappy. Completely. I just..want some space I guess to clear my head of this voice that loves me so much.
If someone sang to you a song that made you sad..instead of happy. I'd just like to know what song really makes him think of me if any. If ever.
I just want to know I'm important enough. Or if his voice in my head is just there to torment me.
I don't know what to do... i have been. So lost for to long and wanting to matter to be more then static now just seems so unrealistic.
sigh..
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