Welcome to the year 2009. I can still remember 2000. But not much. Due to my awful memory. New years was normal. We really didn't do any thing more than stay up late and bang pots and pans. My little evil brother got a kick out of that. He's still very young to him life is still full of hope. He cans till enjoy the joy of holidays and dreams and life altogether. As for me ever since around the time I turned 13 holidays have meant less and less to me with each year. I use to pretend to get into the holiday mood but now I really just don't care.
I use to look at life everyday and smile. I was once full of joy able to make the bad times seem good. Even through the hardest 3 or 4 years of my life I was able to smile for those around me but now I just can't always do that anymore. The world has pushed me down so much.
I have learned that depression runs on both sides of my family so I suffer from bad depression. I can normally hide my depression but I guess it's getting to be to much. I had a really bad case of depression this fall. When everything seemed to just get worse and worse... Yup. And I thought I had finally gotten out of that depression. But no.... I don't think I fully am yet.
I recently have had some awful things happen. I now have to do something I really don't want to do to help those I care about. I'll do it. We all must carry our burdens but I really hate doing it. My friends lied ot me... I found that out recently... It has really hurt me. Adn now all I can do is watch as one of my best friends gets hurt. I know she is feeling the same pain I fault. I want to help her so bad. But I just don't know how. When I couldn't even help myself how can I help her.
And yet I still find myself living in the past. Not wanting to move forward not wanting ot let go not wanting to except the truth and reality of life. But still I'm being forced to.
I can't just forget the past... I have always had a hard time letting go. But now it's become to bad that I wonder if I'll ever be able to let the past go. And I really think I never will. Sigh... No matter how much I wish dream hope prey beg put and hold on to faith... It will never change the truth.
Growing up I had never really wanted anything for the future. I never really wished for anything more than for pokemon to be real. but There was 1 thing I had always wanted. I wanted to find my true love. that was all I wanted. And this year I thought I had. and still do. But. I guess even if he's my true love I'll never be his.
When I started public school again in 8th grade I only had 3 things on my mind.
1. Find true friends
2. Find the place I belonged
3. And find the real me and be the person I've always wanted ot be. Me.

By spring I thought all of those dreams had come true. I was dead wrong. Because last spring all of my dreams really did.
I made real true friends that were always there for me.
I knew where I belonged. I knew it was my home.
The real me had come out only because of my friends and I was able to really be me and I still am.
But my childhood wish came true too. I fell completely uncontrollably head over heels in love with my true love. and for a long time we were very happily in love. Or so I thought. But I lost him. My friends. My home. And Myself...
After losing everything I once had... I was crushed. And the thing is... I still am.

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Welcome everybody! This is the first entry in my newly-created blog, which will cover mainly the goings-on of the video game industry, from consoles to handhelds, gaming websites to companies, etc. Now, this won't be a "So I'm playing this game today and this happened", a "OMG Politics", or a "Dear Blog, this is what happened to me today" type of blog. This will be just a running commentary on the games industry, with all the events that will happen, from various weekly Media Create numbers, to NPD numbers, or sounding off on some of the more prevalent issues current circulating the industry. Heck, I'll even put the spotlight on some games that I think need some more recognition.

I also have a blog over on Cheap Ass Gamer, but there's a grand total of four entries and I really haven't kept up-to-date on it.

If you want to keep up with the news that affect the gaming industry, check it out on GameGrep.

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Winter break has finally ended and I don't know if you would really call it Winter break. Mostly because it doesn't snow here at all or get cold. Which really sucks considering I love snow. I guess you could say this is what happens when a country kid lives in the city. Oh well...

Anyways, school starts again tommorow and I'm not really sure if I'm happy about that or not. In school I guess you could say I tend to get it over my head. I take honors and college classes that are a good bit ahead of me. But I also have my friends which I haven't talked to since before break and seeing them will be great. I just hope that Angelica remembers what "You're my b*tch means" (Long story, very funny)

I'm still not sure what's happening with math though. I was taking honors Algebra 2 and getting a C and I think I'm transferring into regular Algebra 2 instead of honors.

Besides for that, I'm already being pressured to start looking for colleges by mey teachers. (WTF? I'm only a Freshman) Anyways, I know I'm setting my goals too high again but I've been considering going to Harvard Law.

As for life outside of school, I'm currently learning to drive. (I'm actually pretty good) I'm also happy with what I got for Christmas and my Birthday. (Especially the 75$ in Itunes cash =D) I'm also planning on going to the store soon and getting Rune Factory 2. Though, I've been reading about it and pretty much already spoiled the entire storyline. >_<

Right now I'm currently into the Tyler Perry movies, (Yay Madea!) I've been listening to Swedish music and Sarah McGlachlan, and I've also been reading The Giver and Epic.

Well, that's all for now. I know this isn't all that exciting but maybe next time I'll have something more interesting. Maybe I'll have straight A's in school? Maybe I will have asked Angelica out? Maybe I will learn to finally understand Swedish music? Honestly, who knows...

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2008 was filled with hope. Coming in, everyone was waiting for Grand Theft Auto 4, Super Smash Bros Brawl, Metal Gear Solid 4, and tons of other games. Meanwhile, 2009 really has barely any exciting games we all are waiting to see, so I'm actually more excited. I'll be making decisions based on what looks good, not what's expected to be good. Leave some comments letting me know what your most anticipated game of 09 is. Ok?


Mine is Starcraft 2 by the way.

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So yeah, I received my copy of Prince of Persia for the PC in the mail the other day. Unfortunately I haven't been able to actually get into it as it's had multiple game-stopping bugs. First its my audio driver (doesnt like it apparently), then the thing just keeps crashing/freezing, sometimes giving me an exe error (research says this is due to single core processors, but I have a dual core), then its the video driver (some common nvidia problem). Sigh. I seem to have fixed the first and last problem -- but it crashes/freezes on me all the time. Still waiting on Ubisoft to get back to me via email -- should be today or tomorrow. I cant even call them because their support line isn't toll free! Augh.

What tastes I've had of the game I've really enjoyed..but I'll wait until this gets rectified to post my thoughts.

Update: got back to me first business day. Testing now. :)
Update 2: still crashes, just less often. :(
Another email from Ubisoft soon, I hope..

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In the past, I was a regular poster on this forum. It was friendly and people helped eachother. I was able to offer a lot of advice from what I had studied and personally experienced. I stopped posting there after watching the maturity levels and discussion sink faster than the Titanic.

After venturing in there today, and posting a couple of times, it became obvious that nothing had changed - infact it had gotten worse. There are three types of people that post there:-
1) Wannabe meatheads. Meatheads are bad enough, but some of these characters are acting like they're some stud with a perfect muscular physique. Wrong. You dont need to act like a bighead to give out advice. If you're adamant to act like a goon, at least save it until you have the body to back up the claims.
2) Idiots. "if I do press ups then I work my legs". Yes, ive seen them in there. Please stop giving people wrong advice and do some homework.
3) Genuine people looking for help. I feel sorry for these guys. They want advice and when they get it, it usually includes some bitchy comment or insult along with it (see point 1).

This is why im deciding, again, to just stay the hell away from that forum. It makes me laugh and also makes me facepalm countless times just viewing the forum. A few people know im a personal trainer, because I randomly get private messages from people seeking help, which im glad to respond to providing im not swamped. If anyone does have questions, feel free to get in touch with me.

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We have blogs?! What the hell is this bullshit? o3o

I already have a blog. If you've a Xanga and don't mind me ranting about how much I miss Japan/rantings/all my other thoughts and what not. My blog is

www.xanga.com/fushikage

But, if you do get curious, shoot me a PM and lemme know you're going to read it. I'm curious about these things. ^.^

musingsthoughts

If you have seen me post around you have probably picked up the use of me using the word "heart" in my posts. Most people look at it as me being an idiot, which most of the time you are probably right, but none the less why do I use "heart" so much and not something else. Do I just love vital human organs? Eh, I don't think so since I do not give an love to the lungs or the brain and in my mind both are pretty damn important. So it's not an infatuation with vital organs. Then what else could it be???

Well it is very simple my friends it is my belief in people following their themselves and their hearts and not getting trapped into doing things for others. To much I see people throwing away who they really are to be accepted by a group or liked by others. In my mind that is complete garbage. Throwing away one's identity for others could be the worst thing that you can do. You are basically crushing your own essence for others? And why? To have some more friends, to get that girl or guy that you like to feel the same way, or to be apart of something you think might be "cool."

When you throw away your real self and stop following your heart you lose your chance to truly be happy. You might end up accomplishing your goal and "being" someone who you aren't. Liked by whoever, friends with whoever, but deep down you know that's not you. Deep down your heart is still wanting you to live your life another way. You just bring yourself into this inner turmoil that's going to make you hate yourself. At first you will most likely feel happy, think you are a part of something that you've always wanted, but it will eat at you. One's true desires always reign supreme in the end and in the back of your head you are always going to regret.

I guess the main idea of this is (since I probably just started to ramble sorry :() you need to always follow your "heart" or what you really want. Even if by definition it might not be the coolest thing or make you the most popular it makes you YOU and that's what truly matters. I know I'd rather live my life than some other person's perception of a good life.

Comment or i'll be sad :(

exile heart awesome life yugio musingsthoughts

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Well after reading an interesting blog post by Loki where he mentions the Post History feature and forum search being cut due to space considerations, I thought I'd post a definitive post to debunk a few "myths" about why some features are done or not done, and why some suggestions are implemented while others are not.

1. It takes up too much disk space

This one comes up alot and for the past 2 years is no longer a big factor in decision making (obviously it still matters, but not to as great an extent).

History

Years and years ago someone asked us to support larger filesizes for game screenshots, and at the time we had server limitations which made me wary of doing so. Since then I've made it pretty clear in several RQFS posts that space is no longer a huge constraint in alot of decisions.

Today:

We recently upgraded our storage capacity to handle larger amounts of image storage. From a database perspective we've never really had much problem, we could probably store another 50million forum posts for instance (serving those extra 50million forum posts with high performance is another matter, however). If we run out of space we'll just add some more or devise a means to store more.

2. The servers can't handle it

Except for some cases with HUGE data crunching (like Post History and Forum Search), the servers can handle it.

History and Now

In the old days, Neoseeker was run on older platforms and was constantly behind the upgrade curve due to constraints such as time, manpower, knowledge, and the ability to even get servers.

For the most part we now have far more experience and expertise in maintaining our servers, so we're now on top of most things.

Currently Neoseeker runs on a pretty decent server deployment that includes multiple database and web servers. We have the horsepower to handle more than enough PROPERLY designed features and we constantly work to scale the platform.

The key is that certain features take up far more server resources (and resources does NOT equal server space) than others. An argument that the servers can't handle something can only be made after we understand the total requirements of a specific feature, which is why we ask that members do NOT reply to feedback with this statement unless it was previously DIRECTLY stated by myself. And even if I make such a statement, it might no longer be true a year later.

And most importantly, even if the servers can't handle it, its sometimes possible to scale the servers so they CAN handle it.

So if these are myths, what is the relationship between servers and feature creation?

We weigh each feature for its impact and ease of deployment - bang for your buck if you will. The expertise and overall cost required to develop something increases dramatically when that something must be scaled quickly. This is also true again for server requirements: the more something must scale the harder for us to deploy it on the servers. In the case of the forums, some things need to scale immediately. Take for instance a request for searching forum posts. Such a feature would need to immediately be able to search 18million rows of data quickly and accurately. For a feature like this, because we don't have the resources to create huge server farms, how powerful our servers are is less important than figuring out a way to work with such massive amounts of data.

In between all this there are many smaller bugfixes and improvements that create less "wow" but which have superb bang for buck ratio. Then of course there's competitive pressure and what the community wants.

So that sounds like the myths hold some truth right? The reality is that only a very small number of features cannot be created due to concerns relating directly to space or server concerns. Almost certainly the following matter more:

• performance! Will it PERFORM fast?
• whether we can come up with a solid implementation that I'm satisfied with
• cost/complexity to create
• maintenance cost

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This is my first blog, Hell yeah!, but I don't know what to write/type about so I'll talk/type about my winter holiday (since its the last day). Not much happened up to Christmas day I just layed about watched TV, slept, thinking about when I'll start revising for my exams.

On Christmas day I got bugger all at the start. Then after my parents had opened all their presents they brought down two large boxes! One for me, one for my brother. They were Laptops! To be honest I wasn't that happy I was looking forward to getting a 360. Then we go to visit my Grans and Uncle. I got cash, a beanie hat and an atom puzzle.

Boxing day I actually told my mum I would have preferred a 360 to my new laptop since we're not the richest family it would have been cheaper and I would have played it every day. With all my Christmas cash and saved money I decided to make a deal with my parents, I pay them what I've got (£110) and I pay them what I owe them weekly with my paper round money. It worked! and on the 31st I got a 360 bundle with Gears of War, Gears of War 2 and Far Cry 2.

Nothing much (Just playing my new 360) until the 2nd which was my mates Birthday and he invited me, my best mate, a black kid, an arsehole, a girl, a chav and a homosexual (It was mayhem, yet Hilariously funny). We had beer, 360, porn and a lot of American pie films. It was a brilliant afternoon.

Well that is it for my first blog. Hopefully I'll do more in the near future and Please comment, I like feed back.

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It's my last day of winter break :'(

Hm.

We go bowling on Tuesday for an incentive, though.
Should be fun.
(By fun I mean I stink at bowling so I'm not going to be good, but I still get to be out of class, and not playing with plastic pins in the Gym)

I still haven't checked that Sim's name.
LAZY ME. :P
(I think his name may be Richard. I'm gonna check when my brother's done with Globs of Doom (Keeps nagging me to find cheats)

And thank you lordtyger9 for telling me how to make stamps :)

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I'm doing a some-what personal test, to see how many people (of my neofriends, ect) actually look at my blog.
So even if you dont give two craps, if you read this plase sign below.

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