Skittles blogged
Here's to one decade
This is the first time I've logged into Neoseeker in a long while. Perhaps it's been well over a year now. Probably four, at least. Hell, the last update post I made stating "YouTube is not an actual career choice." Which shows you how much I've changed in just those years. Because I have COMPLETELY changed my mind on that stance. I DO believe YouTube can be a "valid" job. As well, as other online things such as Twitch streaming. Just because if someone does manage to make it huge on either of those websites -- then they will get a lot of money from it. Anyways, I feel like I'm only somewhat getting off track here. What I was saying is that I haven't visited Neoseeker in a long time. And honestly? This may be my last post I'll ever make on this website. But, I realized the decade is ending, we're leaving the 2010's and entering the 2020's. And realizing this made me think of Neoseeker. Why? Because I joined Neoseeker in late 2009. So technically, I've joined this website 10 years ago. For this is my second account, my first ever one being snips But since that was late 2009, I basically considered joining this website in the first decade of 2010.
So why am I posting this? Mostly because realizing this decade is about to end, it made me feel both nostalgic and sad. I also wanted to express my gratefulness, because whilst I have grown tired of Neoseeker -- it did bring me some of my best first online experiences. Whilst Neoseeker wasn't actually the first website I've ever joined, it WAS the first one I've actually stuck to. Considering the ones I first used; Club Penguin, Haboo(?) and Gaiaonline got old fast for 11 year old me. I remembered I used to be bang into Sonic the Hedgehog series, particularly Sonic Heroes, as that was my genuine first Sonic game. I would comb the internet for all things Sonic Heroes related. Because at the time, I REALLY wanted to hear news of Sonic Heroes 2. Which was stupid, because the game was already 6 years old then, but hey, I was a dumb kid. And then while going through Google searches, I accidentally stumbled upon a "You know you've been playing too much Sonic Heroes..." thread on this website called Neoseeker. The thread made me laugh so hard, I wanted to join in on the fun! So not long after making a few posts as "guest", I created my own actual account as "Snips". Which the name "Snips" came from my older brother, who had made me a Club Penguin account with that name, which was SUPPOSED to come from my favorite toy, a beanie baby Siamese cat I named "Snaps". It was the OTHER Beanie baby Siamese cat that was named "Snips". He mixed this up, but regardless -- I began to go as Snips on Neoseeker. It eventually became a brand name for me and I went by Snips everywhere. Which, funny enough... I don't go by Snips anymore, not anywhere! My DeviantART and Tumblr have completely different names that nobody here will ever be able to find me. (Which I will post at the end of this, if anyone is curious or want to reconnect with me).
Anyways, when I first began Neoseeker, I can say I really was a completely different person back then. I remembered being obsessed with Megaman (which I don't even like anymore), Final Fantasy 7, and Sonic The Hedgehog. Eventually this moved on to animes such as Bleach, and uh... Evangelion? I was both a scene girl wannabe, and an "annoying obsessed fangirl". and I was PROUD of that. I was the kind of person who'd have "fangirl" as my OCCUPATION. I used to use "XD" ":3" "O_O" faces all the time, almost in any text I'd write. Which, as you can see in this post, I rarely do that anymore. I rarely use emojis, nor do I rarely make my text sound interesting. Which could be a lack of personality, I suppose? But I no longer see the point, and perhaps I have just grown a bit. I remember upon meeting one of my first friends here, I began to idolize her. I liked her "SO RANDOM" attitude. That I'd try to replicate it myself! Ya know, the "ZOMG!! A SQUIRREL!! PANCAKES, RAWR XD :3" I also remembered being quite liked, and was even called a "social butterfly" by someone once. Which is both funny and sad, because I rarely ever talk to people anymore. I talk to like, 3 people on a Discord server and that's it. I don't know what happened through the years, because I used to love talking to people -- in fact, talking to my friends on Neoseeker was the highlight of my day. Now I just kind of draw or write all day long.
I remember a lot of childish drama during my time on Neoseeker. Such as two boys fighting over me in a game of online Pokemon, whoever wins gets my "affection" LOL. And I loved it as a kid, I loved people talking to me, fighting over me, even the childish drama. It gave me a lot of reason to log on to this website when I felt like my own life was kind of boring. Nowadays, I tend to stay out of childish drama, because heheh... when you're in your 20's and in this day and age, it gets a lot more serious. People can dox and you stuff! I also simply don't like it. And well, guess I don't like socializing much either anymore. I really miss it, talking to everyone here. Yet whenever I try to socialize now, it just wears me out in no time and it takes me a very long time to actually respond to anyone else.
The first years on Neoseeker were honestly my best internet years. I had many friends, and I never felt lonely with them and I absolutely adored talking to each one of them. I loved logging on and seeing what was happening on the website. And I also just liked browsing the forums, which was something I didn't do AS often. As most of my friends all knew each other and we were kinda a "clique" in a way like that? But it felt nice, to be part of a group of large friends like that. And I suppose that's what makes me sad, it's hard to find a large group of friends like that again. It's also difficult for me to MAKE friends. I feel that I am not as interesting as I once was, perhaps because I'm not as "perky" as I once was. And well, as the years dragged on -- I just became more and more depressed. And here I am, making things sound kinda gloomy lol.
It's been a decade, and I honestly cannot believe it. But I just wanted to thank everyone here for a wonderful time, you've all been a big part of my childhood and I will forever be grateful for that. This website will ALWAYS be in my memories and I will never forget it. However, I just feel like I cannot get back into it, even if I try. I am still playing video games, whilst I don't consider myself AS big of a gamer as I once were. Well, I do spend hours still playing the Sims 4 and kicking butt in Mortal Kombat 11. But if anyone reading this knows me, and wants to know where and what I'm up to. Or, if you're a newcomer reading this and is simply curious. You may find me on my DeviantART or Tumblr. Which I highly recommend checking out, if any of you remember my old artwork... because well, I've gotten much better at it!
My Tumblr: https://strangledwires.tumblr.com/
My DeviantART: https://www.deviantart.com/girlzcrazy
This decade has been wild to me, with its ups and downs. I hope y'all had a good decade, and continue to have many more. Peace out, y'all. ✌️
So why am I posting this? Mostly because realizing this decade is about to end, it made me feel both nostalgic and sad. I also wanted to express my gratefulness, because whilst I have grown tired of Neoseeker -- it did bring me some of my best first online experiences. Whilst Neoseeker wasn't actually the first website I've ever joined, it WAS the first one I've actually stuck to. Considering the ones I first used; Club Penguin, Haboo(?) and Gaiaonline got old fast for 11 year old me. I remembered I used to be bang into Sonic the Hedgehog series, particularly Sonic Heroes, as that was my genuine first Sonic game. I would comb the internet for all things Sonic Heroes related. Because at the time, I REALLY wanted to hear news of Sonic Heroes 2. Which was stupid, because the game was already 6 years old then, but hey, I was a dumb kid. And then while going through Google searches, I accidentally stumbled upon a "You know you've been playing too much Sonic Heroes..." thread on this website called Neoseeker. The thread made me laugh so hard, I wanted to join in on the fun! So not long after making a few posts as "guest", I created my own actual account as "Snips". Which the name "Snips" came from my older brother, who had made me a Club Penguin account with that name, which was SUPPOSED to come from my favorite toy, a beanie baby Siamese cat I named "Snaps". It was the OTHER Beanie baby Siamese cat that was named "Snips". He mixed this up, but regardless -- I began to go as Snips on Neoseeker. It eventually became a brand name for me and I went by Snips everywhere. Which, funny enough... I don't go by Snips anymore, not anywhere! My DeviantART and Tumblr have completely different names that nobody here will ever be able to find me. (Which I will post at the end of this, if anyone is curious or want to reconnect with me).
Anyways, when I first began Neoseeker, I can say I really was a completely different person back then. I remembered being obsessed with Megaman (which I don't even like anymore), Final Fantasy 7, and Sonic The Hedgehog. Eventually this moved on to animes such as Bleach, and uh... Evangelion? I was both a scene girl wannabe, and an "annoying obsessed fangirl". and I was PROUD of that. I was the kind of person who'd have "fangirl" as my OCCUPATION. I used to use "XD" ":3" "O_O" faces all the time, almost in any text I'd write. Which, as you can see in this post, I rarely do that anymore. I rarely use emojis, nor do I rarely make my text sound interesting. Which could be a lack of personality, I suppose? But I no longer see the point, and perhaps I have just grown a bit. I remember upon meeting one of my first friends here, I began to idolize her. I liked her "SO RANDOM" attitude. That I'd try to replicate it myself! Ya know, the "ZOMG!! A SQUIRREL!! PANCAKES, RAWR XD :3" I also remembered being quite liked, and was even called a "social butterfly" by someone once. Which is both funny and sad, because I rarely ever talk to people anymore. I talk to like, 3 people on a Discord server and that's it. I don't know what happened through the years, because I used to love talking to people -- in fact, talking to my friends on Neoseeker was the highlight of my day. Now I just kind of draw or write all day long.
I remember a lot of childish drama during my time on Neoseeker. Such as two boys fighting over me in a game of online Pokemon, whoever wins gets my "affection" LOL. And I loved it as a kid, I loved people talking to me, fighting over me, even the childish drama. It gave me a lot of reason to log on to this website when I felt like my own life was kind of boring. Nowadays, I tend to stay out of childish drama, because heheh... when you're in your 20's and in this day and age, it gets a lot more serious. People can dox and you stuff! I also simply don't like it. And well, guess I don't like socializing much either anymore. I really miss it, talking to everyone here. Yet whenever I try to socialize now, it just wears me out in no time and it takes me a very long time to actually respond to anyone else.
The first years on Neoseeker were honestly my best internet years. I had many friends, and I never felt lonely with them and I absolutely adored talking to each one of them. I loved logging on and seeing what was happening on the website. And I also just liked browsing the forums, which was something I didn't do AS often. As most of my friends all knew each other and we were kinda a "clique" in a way like that? But it felt nice, to be part of a group of large friends like that. And I suppose that's what makes me sad, it's hard to find a large group of friends like that again. It's also difficult for me to MAKE friends. I feel that I am not as interesting as I once was, perhaps because I'm not as "perky" as I once was. And well, as the years dragged on -- I just became more and more depressed. And here I am, making things sound kinda gloomy lol.
It's been a decade, and I honestly cannot believe it. But I just wanted to thank everyone here for a wonderful time, you've all been a big part of my childhood and I will forever be grateful for that. This website will ALWAYS be in my memories and I will never forget it. However, I just feel like I cannot get back into it, even if I try. I am still playing video games, whilst I don't consider myself AS big of a gamer as I once were. Well, I do spend hours still playing the Sims 4 and kicking butt in Mortal Kombat 11. But if anyone reading this knows me, and wants to know where and what I'm up to. Or, if you're a newcomer reading this and is simply curious. You may find me on my DeviantART or Tumblr. Which I highly recommend checking out, if any of you remember my old artwork... because well, I've gotten much better at it!
My Tumblr: https://strangledwires.tumblr.com/
My DeviantART: https://www.deviantart.com/girlzcrazy
This decade has been wild to me, with its ups and downs. I hope y'all had a good decade, and continue to have many more. Peace out, y'all. ✌️
Cap blogged
Neoblog 46
I was having a hard time these past few weeks. I don't really know how to explain it so I won't. It was just hard, okay?
I did something drastic and I'm not really sure how to rationalize it so I won't do that either.
What will happen is that Tabletop will no longer be my little Casino like I've been running for the past...whatever time. No. People lost interest. I think the whole Casino vibe, while cool and something I really like, pushed others away. Gambling and casinos are taboo to some people. While I embrace it, I know others find it repulsive.
I came up with a solution. Tabletop is going back to its roots. Back, back, back to its roots. Remember when I was creative? Remember when I had cool games like Sub Terra and Neo Concentration? Yeah, I wanna try those again. It'll be more open to everyone.
So with that, I have a new game I'm working on right now. It's a cross between Mario Party and Life with some RPG elements. Name? No idea yet.
For those who liked Cap Bucks like sword_of_omens and Intoxication, they will be returning in this game as the currency or coins or whatever.
Basically, this is my vision.
It's a come and go game. Each "Day" you'll have a few dice rolls to move around the board which I'll need to create. You'll have factions you can join. Jobs. Activities. Food places. Shops. Yes, and a casino.
The game is a bit open-ended. Sort of like The Sims. You can probably die in this game. Break the law. Go to jail. Whatever.
At the end of the day, there will be a sort of mini-game that I'll come up with as it gets more developed. It'll set the mood for the new day.
I had an idea like this previously with the Neo-Life thing. It was a mess because it was overly ambitious with no real structure. I'm trying to make it better by adding structure. Maybe instead of a board game, I'll just make custom moves per day or whatever a la Fire Emblem Three Houses. It is still early in the works.
So yeah. Death to the old Cap Bucks and Casino. It will rise once again in a more minor scope hopefully.
I did something drastic and I'm not really sure how to rationalize it so I won't do that either.
What will happen is that Tabletop will no longer be my little Casino like I've been running for the past...whatever time. No. People lost interest. I think the whole Casino vibe, while cool and something I really like, pushed others away. Gambling and casinos are taboo to some people. While I embrace it, I know others find it repulsive.
I came up with a solution. Tabletop is going back to its roots. Back, back, back to its roots. Remember when I was creative? Remember when I had cool games like Sub Terra and Neo Concentration? Yeah, I wanna try those again. It'll be more open to everyone.
So with that, I have a new game I'm working on right now. It's a cross between Mario Party and Life with some RPG elements. Name? No idea yet.
For those who liked Cap Bucks like sword_of_omens and Intoxication, they will be returning in this game as the currency or coins or whatever.
Basically, this is my vision.
It's a come and go game. Each "Day" you'll have a few dice rolls to move around the board which I'll need to create. You'll have factions you can join. Jobs. Activities. Food places. Shops. Yes, and a casino.
The game is a bit open-ended. Sort of like The Sims. You can probably die in this game. Break the law. Go to jail. Whatever.
At the end of the day, there will be a sort of mini-game that I'll come up with as it gets more developed. It'll set the mood for the new day.
I had an idea like this previously with the Neo-Life thing. It was a mess because it was overly ambitious with no real structure. I'm trying to make it better by adding structure. Maybe instead of a board game, I'll just make custom moves per day or whatever a la Fire Emblem Three Houses. It is still early in the works.
So yeah. Death to the old Cap Bucks and Casino. It will rise once again in a more minor scope hopefully.
Thurlow blogged
Getting away from Rock Bottom
I said I'd write one of these again when things were better. Well in some sense it is, but in others it ain't.
My main priority since writing my last blog was my son and that is the part that has improved. I now get much more time with him than I did before and even get time alone. To make things easier I remain civil with my ex partner which is very difficult because she still tries to dictate my life and using our son as leverage. I was in a new relationship, but had to end it because she was not allowing me time with my son using her as the excuse (personal vendetta as she really doesn't like her) despite having to end this relationship I was starting to feel better, but then I received eviction notice and lost my job all within 2 weeks.
It's easy to kind things and shut life put when on here because no one knows the real me, but last weekend I had a full blown mental breakdown and for the first time in my life I finally admitted I needed help and seeked help from Dr after lots of persuasion from family. I was struggling to find a job and my anxieties were at an all time high. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this here before, but I suffer from Tourettes Syndrome. Not the stereotypical version, don't randomly shout out swear words at people, but have some very annoying vocal and physical tics which can be embarrassing at times. I dont take medication for it because I had very bad side effects when a teenager, so bad my mother nearly had my sectioned for Schizophrenia. I usually keep a good hold on my tics, but when stress levels are high it's hard to hold them in.
My family wanted me to get signed off and seek professional help as they were worried for my state of mind/health. Unfortunately I was met with the usual responce. Life is shit sometimes just need to pick self up and get a job. Easier said than done. Very frustrating when I've spent my entire adult life working as well as years before and one time I asked for help I get declined and declined for housing support as well. Had no intentions of being on it long term, was shameful enough having to ask for it, but now I have no choice as have spent last 2 months living off credit cards I can't pay back.
I'm hoping to start back at my old job which I had to leave a few months ago next month. They said the door was always open for me. It's long 12 hour night shifts, but I need an income.
However despite these further setbacks I still do my best to remain positive and that I will get out of this rut very soon, I have my son to think about and dont wanna be a let down to him.
I'm not looking for attention or sympathy, just find this a good way to get how I feel off my chest and don't have to worry about it as no one knows me
My main priority since writing my last blog was my son and that is the part that has improved. I now get much more time with him than I did before and even get time alone. To make things easier I remain civil with my ex partner which is very difficult because she still tries to dictate my life and using our son as leverage. I was in a new relationship, but had to end it because she was not allowing me time with my son using her as the excuse (personal vendetta as she really doesn't like her) despite having to end this relationship I was starting to feel better, but then I received eviction notice and lost my job all within 2 weeks.
It's easy to kind things and shut life put when on here because no one knows the real me, but last weekend I had a full blown mental breakdown and for the first time in my life I finally admitted I needed help and seeked help from Dr after lots of persuasion from family. I was struggling to find a job and my anxieties were at an all time high. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this here before, but I suffer from Tourettes Syndrome. Not the stereotypical version, don't randomly shout out swear words at people, but have some very annoying vocal and physical tics which can be embarrassing at times. I dont take medication for it because I had very bad side effects when a teenager, so bad my mother nearly had my sectioned for Schizophrenia. I usually keep a good hold on my tics, but when stress levels are high it's hard to hold them in.
My family wanted me to get signed off and seek professional help as they were worried for my state of mind/health. Unfortunately I was met with the usual responce. Life is shit sometimes just need to pick self up and get a job. Easier said than done. Very frustrating when I've spent my entire adult life working as well as years before and one time I asked for help I get declined and declined for housing support as well. Had no intentions of being on it long term, was shameful enough having to ask for it, but now I have no choice as have spent last 2 months living off credit cards I can't pay back.
I'm hoping to start back at my old job which I had to leave a few months ago next month. They said the door was always open for me. It's long 12 hour night shifts, but I need an income.
However despite these further setbacks I still do my best to remain positive and that I will get out of this rut very soon, I have my son to think about and dont wanna be a let down to him.
I'm not looking for attention or sympathy, just find this a good way to get how I feel off my chest and don't have to worry about it as no one knows me
Cap blogged
Cap's Milling #1
Night Final
Finally, it was show time. After a long deliberation on which songs he'd preform, Kanye West crossed off the last remaining songs he didn't feel like preforming.
First, while many people really liked the song, it wouldn't have felt right to do it without Jamie Foxx. He crossed off "Gold Digger"
Chimaira has died! He was Gold Digger: Late Registration aligned Superhit
Kanye then smiled. His setlist was full of non-hits that only his true fans would love.
The Lost Soul has been end gamed! He was Happy Kanye West: Kanye aligned Kanye West
[img]http://akns-images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20161021/rs_600x600-161121173150-600.Kanye-West-Happy.ms.112116.jpg?downsize=450:*&crop=450:350;left,top[/img]
He also crossed off one final song since he just didn't feel like preforming it. The song was too long anyway.
Sharkdragon has died! He was I Thought About Killing You: Ye aligned long song and vigilante?
Wow! This setlist was kind of short. Oh well, he thought.
sword_of_omens has won! He was Robocop: 808s aligned guy who says Okay, okay, okay
Kingy has won! He was Waves: Life of Pablo aligned Kid Cudi humming track
orez has won! He was On God: Jesus is King aligned Why he charges the price he charges
And there was one hit left. Oh well. Maybe he'll use it for an encore.
Kid Clutch has won! He was Flashing Lights: Graduation aligned guy who is more of the trips to Florida
tsujack blogged
Matrix
Pretty good for a college assignment and yes the matrix moves in background. Obviously I had to block the text cause Neo.
https://i.imgur.com/qc7NtV8.png
https://i.imgur.com/qc7NtV8.png
Thurlow blogged
Officially Hit Rock Bottom
Yep, I've finally hit it.
This is mainly me getting shit off my chest and is a lot to read.
See I'm using this as bit of a vent as there are few people or places I can do this now. Social Media is just a place for bait and my family and friends are possibly at the stage or having no idea what to say. I don't really expect anyone here to have much to say, but I kinda need a place to rant and well this is it.
Nearly a year ago I got the happiest news I could ever dream of. Most of you will know i recently became a father. This is something I have always wanted and for a number of years thought would never happen. Its just a shame ever since getting that news everything has gone down hill and I feel like a failure.
About 1 week after finding out our news that we were going to have a baby I got a message from our landlord to say she wants to move back into her house which obviously meant we had to move. I quickly got onto the council and we got moved high up the list to be rehomed. Sounds great? No. Unfortunately my partner suffers from various mental health issues mainly OCD and anxiety as does her mother. Neither can cope being too far away from each other, nor could my partner cope with being on her own. I used to work nights and when I worked she would stay at her mum and dads house. I had no issue with this as I knew her situation.
Anyways, all of the properties we were being offered she considered too far away. Some were only a 20 minute drive away, but because no one in her family drove it was considered too far. We were left with no choice but to move in with her parents temporarily, or so I thought. Basically once we moved back in she had no intentions of leaving again.
I found living there very difficult, I couldn't call it home or make it feel like home. Her mother is very controlling and because of her OCD issues everything had to be her way. I couldn't have a bath without permission or wash my clothes, cook or even watch anything on the TV. Her answer was she had to do it, which yes I'm a but stubborn, I wanted to do.my own washing and cook own food, mainly because of preferences and fact that I wouldn't even allow my own mother to do my washing for me.
After a bit of time a lot of friction developed and I had an arguement with her mum and I had to leave. This started months of emotional blackmail and guilt trips. I instantly found somewhere to live. A 2 bedroom house which needed some work doing to it, again I think some of you may have seen the pictures in the photo thread. Anyways, despite all the work I did and was doing my gf refused to ever step foot in the house because she had bad OCD with it. It was perfect place less than 20 minute drive to her mums, 2 bedroom and very low rent because I was doing the work on it. Was about a third of the price of houses in village she wanted to live in and as I was the only one who earned any money except her ESA benefits, I couldn't afford where she wanted to be. Despite my begging and pleading for her to come, she then referred to my actions of walking out on her and our expected son. I kept trying to explain it wasn't her I walked out on, it was living with her mum I had to walk away from as things were getting very toxic which is also not healthy for someone who is pregnant. That was just my opinion and according to then I walked out on my gf. To quote her mother on the day I left "I will make sure she never goes back to you" well she succeeded.
Time went on and the birth was getting near. I was still trying to repair our relationship because 1 I loved her and 2 I wanted us to be a family. Despite the constant guilt trip messages and emotional blackmail I took her to every appointment and just said yes to everything. Still she was refusing to visit the house because it was too far and also because her OCD would not allow her too.
Things from here just kept getting worse for me and started a long line of bad luck. I had a bit of a freak accident at work. I stepped off of a step as unusually do and my left knee popped and caved in on me so I spent about 5 weeks on crutches. Was a hard time because I couldn't do much and my earnings took quite a dent.
Just as I got back on my feet and back to work the happiest day of my life happened and my son was born. The celebration did not last long because normal service resumed and within a day she was already using our son as leverage and emotional blackmail. In fact it started a couple weeks before whilst at an antenatal class. We were there listening to the health visitor talk to us about breast feeding. She wanted to ignore it because she felt weird about breast feeding and would never do it. Her choice I wouldn't try and make her do it or not do it. Anyways during the class they said if you want to breast feed you must do that only for 6 weeks. Not to produce milk because it would encourage the baby to become lazy. Suddenly after that she looked up at me with a smile on her face saying "I'm going to breast feed now, that means you cant have him at any point without me" I just let it go over my head.
Fast forward back to after birth, we had a little disagreement in the hospital and I just kept getting told she didnt have to have me there, she didn't have to tell me and she doesn't need me. I stated that she needed me for registering the birth to which her responce was no, we're not married can do it without you. More on that later. I said some things I shouldn't have after, not gonna pretend I was perfect, but I didn't mean them.
About a week later my bad luck started up again and I had to have emergency surgery for a stomach hernia. Wasn't meant to have for a few months yet, but it popped out and no one could get it back in and to say it was painful would be an understatement. So that meant.i was bed bound and stuck miles away from my son whilst I was recovering with family.
The next couple weeks were not easy. I saw my son once in 2 weeks. We get to him being 3 weeks old and her is still not been named because she couldn't decide, I was given no choice. He gets my surname she wanted to choose the others. I just agreed to it. What I didn't know was the day I finally got home she had gone off that morning and registered our son without me leaving me off of the birth certificate. Her reasons, she didn't trust me to not take him. So now I have no legal rights to my son and she knew i couldn't do anything about it at mo because i wasnt earning money because was off work from my surgery.
Ever since she kept using him as bait, making promises and not following through. I get to see him maybe twice a week for an hour in a local cafe if it is not raining. I'm not welcome at her mothers house and when I did go the whole family would be there to intimidate me or take over so I couldn't even hold my son.
Despite what she did I still sent her money when I had some come in and answered her every becking call, urgent or non urgent. She took our son to doctor and turns out he was having acid reflux issues, however despite being offered medicine she refused it then kept complaining the dr wouldn't do anything. I had just gone back to work for first time in 6 weeks and despite speaking to the dr twice that day she decided he needed to go to hospital that night. I knew nothing was wrong, but I insisted on coming because I knew it would be another thing held against me. I finally got home at around 130am and had to be up again for work at 4. That morning I fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed my car, more bad luck, luckily no one else was around and i crashed into.a hedge and only hit a small amount of stone. Bar a bit of whiplash I was ok, but car wasn't. This meant more time off work because car not road legal and I have no money left.
For the past 8 months I have been suffering badly with sleep deprivation even more so in last few weeks. I was gonna chance it today and drive to work because I'm desperate for money. I have a back log of child support to pay and despite her constant refusal to put me on the birth certificate, turns out I still have to pay CSA or they'll take it straight from my non existent wages. Well I spent the entire night in the bathroom, I'll spare the details and have not slept a wink. I work with heavy machinery and numbers where of slightly off can cause thousands of £s in disposal. It was safer for me to not go to work today.
This has now just continued my good luck. I now have no job. Been told not to bother coming back. As frustrating as it is I can honestly say if I was them I would've said the same thing, it's just been a whole line of bad luck and I am actually at breaking point.
The last 2 months should have been a time for celebration and being happy, but all I have been able to do since my son was born is fight, fight to see him, fighting to not be.made out as a bad person or an asshole because it everyone at work or around my now ex gf I'm a deadbeat, I'm a waste of space. I haven't completed a full working week at work for over 3 months. That is not the kind of person I am. I personally hate using the word depression, I know I have it, but to me I just need to get over it, but every time I feel like I'm progressing something or someone knocks.me back down again. I seriously dunno what to do with myself and as I said this is the only place I can let off steam because no one here knows me and it can't get back to her or my family.
If you read all this then thank you
This is mainly me getting shit off my chest and is a lot to read.
See I'm using this as bit of a vent as there are few people or places I can do this now. Social Media is just a place for bait and my family and friends are possibly at the stage or having no idea what to say. I don't really expect anyone here to have much to say, but I kinda need a place to rant and well this is it.
Nearly a year ago I got the happiest news I could ever dream of. Most of you will know i recently became a father. This is something I have always wanted and for a number of years thought would never happen. Its just a shame ever since getting that news everything has gone down hill and I feel like a failure.
About 1 week after finding out our news that we were going to have a baby I got a message from our landlord to say she wants to move back into her house which obviously meant we had to move. I quickly got onto the council and we got moved high up the list to be rehomed. Sounds great? No. Unfortunately my partner suffers from various mental health issues mainly OCD and anxiety as does her mother. Neither can cope being too far away from each other, nor could my partner cope with being on her own. I used to work nights and when I worked she would stay at her mum and dads house. I had no issue with this as I knew her situation.
Anyways, all of the properties we were being offered she considered too far away. Some were only a 20 minute drive away, but because no one in her family drove it was considered too far. We were left with no choice but to move in with her parents temporarily, or so I thought. Basically once we moved back in she had no intentions of leaving again.
I found living there very difficult, I couldn't call it home or make it feel like home. Her mother is very controlling and because of her OCD issues everything had to be her way. I couldn't have a bath without permission or wash my clothes, cook or even watch anything on the TV. Her answer was she had to do it, which yes I'm a but stubborn, I wanted to do.my own washing and cook own food, mainly because of preferences and fact that I wouldn't even allow my own mother to do my washing for me.
After a bit of time a lot of friction developed and I had an arguement with her mum and I had to leave. This started months of emotional blackmail and guilt trips. I instantly found somewhere to live. A 2 bedroom house which needed some work doing to it, again I think some of you may have seen the pictures in the photo thread. Anyways, despite all the work I did and was doing my gf refused to ever step foot in the house because she had bad OCD with it. It was perfect place less than 20 minute drive to her mums, 2 bedroom and very low rent because I was doing the work on it. Was about a third of the price of houses in village she wanted to live in and as I was the only one who earned any money except her ESA benefits, I couldn't afford where she wanted to be. Despite my begging and pleading for her to come, she then referred to my actions of walking out on her and our expected son. I kept trying to explain it wasn't her I walked out on, it was living with her mum I had to walk away from as things were getting very toxic which is also not healthy for someone who is pregnant. That was just my opinion and according to then I walked out on my gf. To quote her mother on the day I left "I will make sure she never goes back to you" well she succeeded.
Time went on and the birth was getting near. I was still trying to repair our relationship because 1 I loved her and 2 I wanted us to be a family. Despite the constant guilt trip messages and emotional blackmail I took her to every appointment and just said yes to everything. Still she was refusing to visit the house because it was too far and also because her OCD would not allow her too.
Things from here just kept getting worse for me and started a long line of bad luck. I had a bit of a freak accident at work. I stepped off of a step as unusually do and my left knee popped and caved in on me so I spent about 5 weeks on crutches. Was a hard time because I couldn't do much and my earnings took quite a dent.
Just as I got back on my feet and back to work the happiest day of my life happened and my son was born. The celebration did not last long because normal service resumed and within a day she was already using our son as leverage and emotional blackmail. In fact it started a couple weeks before whilst at an antenatal class. We were there listening to the health visitor talk to us about breast feeding. She wanted to ignore it because she felt weird about breast feeding and would never do it. Her choice I wouldn't try and make her do it or not do it. Anyways during the class they said if you want to breast feed you must do that only for 6 weeks. Not to produce milk because it would encourage the baby to become lazy. Suddenly after that she looked up at me with a smile on her face saying "I'm going to breast feed now, that means you cant have him at any point without me" I just let it go over my head.
Fast forward back to after birth, we had a little disagreement in the hospital and I just kept getting told she didnt have to have me there, she didn't have to tell me and she doesn't need me. I stated that she needed me for registering the birth to which her responce was no, we're not married can do it without you. More on that later. I said some things I shouldn't have after, not gonna pretend I was perfect, but I didn't mean them.
About a week later my bad luck started up again and I had to have emergency surgery for a stomach hernia. Wasn't meant to have for a few months yet, but it popped out and no one could get it back in and to say it was painful would be an understatement. So that meant.i was bed bound and stuck miles away from my son whilst I was recovering with family.
The next couple weeks were not easy. I saw my son once in 2 weeks. We get to him being 3 weeks old and her is still not been named because she couldn't decide, I was given no choice. He gets my surname she wanted to choose the others. I just agreed to it. What I didn't know was the day I finally got home she had gone off that morning and registered our son without me leaving me off of the birth certificate. Her reasons, she didn't trust me to not take him. So now I have no legal rights to my son and she knew i couldn't do anything about it at mo because i wasnt earning money because was off work from my surgery.
Ever since she kept using him as bait, making promises and not following through. I get to see him maybe twice a week for an hour in a local cafe if it is not raining. I'm not welcome at her mothers house and when I did go the whole family would be there to intimidate me or take over so I couldn't even hold my son.
Despite what she did I still sent her money when I had some come in and answered her every becking call, urgent or non urgent. She took our son to doctor and turns out he was having acid reflux issues, however despite being offered medicine she refused it then kept complaining the dr wouldn't do anything. I had just gone back to work for first time in 6 weeks and despite speaking to the dr twice that day she decided he needed to go to hospital that night. I knew nothing was wrong, but I insisted on coming because I knew it would be another thing held against me. I finally got home at around 130am and had to be up again for work at 4. That morning I fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed my car, more bad luck, luckily no one else was around and i crashed into.a hedge and only hit a small amount of stone. Bar a bit of whiplash I was ok, but car wasn't. This meant more time off work because car not road legal and I have no money left.
For the past 8 months I have been suffering badly with sleep deprivation even more so in last few weeks. I was gonna chance it today and drive to work because I'm desperate for money. I have a back log of child support to pay and despite her constant refusal to put me on the birth certificate, turns out I still have to pay CSA or they'll take it straight from my non existent wages. Well I spent the entire night in the bathroom, I'll spare the details and have not slept a wink. I work with heavy machinery and numbers where of slightly off can cause thousands of £s in disposal. It was safer for me to not go to work today.
This has now just continued my good luck. I now have no job. Been told not to bother coming back. As frustrating as it is I can honestly say if I was them I would've said the same thing, it's just been a whole line of bad luck and I am actually at breaking point.
The last 2 months should have been a time for celebration and being happy, but all I have been able to do since my son was born is fight, fight to see him, fighting to not be.made out as a bad person or an asshole because it everyone at work or around my now ex gf I'm a deadbeat, I'm a waste of space. I haven't completed a full working week at work for over 3 months. That is not the kind of person I am. I personally hate using the word depression, I know I have it, but to me I just need to get over it, but every time I feel like I'm progressing something or someone knocks.me back down again. I seriously dunno what to do with myself and as I said this is the only place I can let off steam because no one here knows me and it can't get back to her or my family.
If you read all this then thank you
GamePlay360 blogged
Sitting at Housing Facility called Well Care with Pokemon Platinum downloaded on my emulator. Finally decided to go through all of get 4
Waiting on my Disability Case to go through, there's nothing else to do other than hang out with other people in Recovery, attend appointments, and explore my new city of Las Vegas. Platinum is fun especially with the bypass EV limit code
tumparanishil100 blogged
This is my first Post
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Cap blogged
Neoblog 45
I was hoping to make this a record reference. Maybe I can still spin it that way.
Recently, the idea of moderating forums has come back into my mind. I've announced many times I am no longer fit to be a mod and that's apparent. People say "Why Cap?" so how about we spin da LP and I'll give you my tracks on what makes a good mod.
Track 1: My Forum's My Life
What makes a person an obvious choice for mod is their passion for whatever subject the forum covers. I'll talk about me since I had a few spots. Tabletop was probably my most ambitious spot. I love board games and adapting them to forum standards so we can play. It was something I was passion about and I made a lot of effort to show it. You see it with guys like Dreadlock Holiday in Gaming Lounge. You saw it in every forum Chimaira held. It's gotta be something you love doing.
Track 2: Play This Track All Night Long
Passion only gets you so far. If you love something, chances are you're making posts. You'll bump old stuff. You'll make new stuff. You'll check in several times a day and post. You gotta make an effort to be part of the forum you wanna moderate. It sort of goes hand in hand with passion. If you're passionate about something here, you're probably posting about it.
Track 3: We Be Rollin' Together
So, you post a lot, right? Yeah! Cool. You're even creating new threads. What's the problem? The forum is dead. You're talking to yourself essentially. If the forum has a collective interest, then a natural leader arises. If there's no one there, then you might as well be shouting down a hallway to no one. This is where I've run into trouble and I just can't seem to shake this step. I know the site is smaller now, but we have plenty of thriving forums with mods. Look at al the lounges. People are there every day. You can say "Well, that's a lounge. There's always people there. Look at IRP then. That's a specific forum with a dedicated cast. No one is shouting down a hallway to themselves there. This problem can be remedied with tagging people, but sometimes those tags become white noise. If you wanna mod, make sure you can get a crew together and keep them together.
Track 4: Love Everlasting
So, you've got a nice little crew. Your forums PPD ranks it in the top 10 or maybe top 20. That's neat. So, how long until this fad dies out then? This is a big problem in game forums. A video game is hot when it comes out and people are talking about their progress or what secret things they've found. The love for a game burns hot...but fast. These games end up being talked about elsewhere like GDs of lounges or something. As a mod, you try to keep this stuff alive, but sooner or later interest dies. When there's no one chatting, there's no need for you to sit on top of the forum any more. Some forums really have stood the test of time. Dragonball for instance. How many topics can be created for a show that hasn't been said already? The Dragonball forum shows that it's actually quite a bit and they keep going too.
Track 5: I'm No God, Baby
A lot of people think a good mod is someone that is a powerful member in their own forum. In truth, that shouldn't be the only defining trait. A leader needs a team otherwise he's nothing. Maybe back in the day people thought this little dose of power meant they can bully others or something, but since the site is smaller, there's no need for it. Yet, some people can still see its existence. I haven't really paid attention anymore, but I feel like this needs to be said.
Track 6: We're Good Friends
You might be a grinder when it comes to forums, but what's the point of trying to be a leader if your followers hate you? Chances are, you're probably at least a bit liked if people participate in threads you create. If you're agreeable, you'll attract more pals to come stick around and chat.
Secret Track: I Can Bang My Head On This Wall Or I Can Leave
All in all, I never could keep these duties. I have failed multiple times despite what others might say. It doesn't matter what you think. I saw myself break each of these tenants. In the end, it doesn't even matter. I can count on one hand how many people still respect me here. The best thing to do in this situation is realize you're just a line and not a cog.
Recently, the idea of moderating forums has come back into my mind. I've announced many times I am no longer fit to be a mod and that's apparent. People say "Why Cap?" so how about we spin da LP and I'll give you my tracks on what makes a good mod.
Track 1: My Forum's My Life
What makes a person an obvious choice for mod is their passion for whatever subject the forum covers. I'll talk about me since I had a few spots. Tabletop was probably my most ambitious spot. I love board games and adapting them to forum standards so we can play. It was something I was passion about and I made a lot of effort to show it. You see it with guys like Dreadlock Holiday in Gaming Lounge. You saw it in every forum Chimaira held. It's gotta be something you love doing.
Track 2: Play This Track All Night Long
Passion only gets you so far. If you love something, chances are you're making posts. You'll bump old stuff. You'll make new stuff. You'll check in several times a day and post. You gotta make an effort to be part of the forum you wanna moderate. It sort of goes hand in hand with passion. If you're passionate about something here, you're probably posting about it.
Track 3: We Be Rollin' Together
So, you post a lot, right? Yeah! Cool. You're even creating new threads. What's the problem? The forum is dead. You're talking to yourself essentially. If the forum has a collective interest, then a natural leader arises. If there's no one there, then you might as well be shouting down a hallway to no one. This is where I've run into trouble and I just can't seem to shake this step. I know the site is smaller now, but we have plenty of thriving forums with mods. Look at al the lounges. People are there every day. You can say "Well, that's a lounge. There's always people there. Look at IRP then. That's a specific forum with a dedicated cast. No one is shouting down a hallway to themselves there. This problem can be remedied with tagging people, but sometimes those tags become white noise. If you wanna mod, make sure you can get a crew together and keep them together.
Track 4: Love Everlasting
So, you've got a nice little crew. Your forums PPD ranks it in the top 10 or maybe top 20. That's neat. So, how long until this fad dies out then? This is a big problem in game forums. A video game is hot when it comes out and people are talking about their progress or what secret things they've found. The love for a game burns hot...but fast. These games end up being talked about elsewhere like GDs of lounges or something. As a mod, you try to keep this stuff alive, but sooner or later interest dies. When there's no one chatting, there's no need for you to sit on top of the forum any more. Some forums really have stood the test of time. Dragonball for instance. How many topics can be created for a show that hasn't been said already? The Dragonball forum shows that it's actually quite a bit and they keep going too.
Track 5: I'm No God, Baby
A lot of people think a good mod is someone that is a powerful member in their own forum. In truth, that shouldn't be the only defining trait. A leader needs a team otherwise he's nothing. Maybe back in the day people thought this little dose of power meant they can bully others or something, but since the site is smaller, there's no need for it. Yet, some people can still see its existence. I haven't really paid attention anymore, but I feel like this needs to be said.
Track 6: We're Good Friends
You might be a grinder when it comes to forums, but what's the point of trying to be a leader if your followers hate you? Chances are, you're probably at least a bit liked if people participate in threads you create. If you're agreeable, you'll attract more pals to come stick around and chat.
Secret Track: I Can Bang My Head On This Wall Or I Can Leave
All in all, I never could keep these duties. I have failed multiple times despite what others might say. It doesn't matter what you think. I saw myself break each of these tenants. In the end, it doesn't even matter. I can count on one hand how many people still respect me here. The best thing to do in this situation is realize you're just a line and not a cog.
DarshD blogged
The Passenger Indie Horror Film Kickstarter Project Needs Support (Back before 27th July 2019)
Are you a horror fan & would like to support indiefilmmaking ? Be a Kickstarter backer of The Passenger Film & get Special Thanks credit on IMDb for just $2 , film's digital copy for $10, a producer credit for just $35 ($50- if credit + all previous rewards) & there are tshirts too! Funds needed for getting better sound ($626 goal) and a Better editor ($1850 goal, if $1850 is not reached, the excess funds will go to support a brain cancer affected boy's treatment)
The film is based on an undocumented folktale about a white lady ghost appearing on Marble St, West Rutland, Vermont State (VT), USA ...
This is an independent (Indie) film which is being made by Everything Horror Podcasts & Haunted Vermont founder Paul Dulski, living in Vermont State of the US. Paul is also known from the 2014 Vermont Anthology film, DEAD STATIC. As he played Chad Williams in the last tale featured in the horror anthology, The Pittsford Haunted House. The tale is about the folktale of a hitch hiker ghost lady who’s said to appear on a road at night. Paul, being a native of Vermont knows the shooting location well and also the folklore. He has also worked in a horror film and observed the film making art for several years by interviewing film makers and reviewing various indie horror films.
Here's the Kickstarter campaign with more info and links:- https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/pdulski/the-passenger-a-vermont-urban-legend-short-horror-film
Facebook page of the film (Please feel free to ask them your queries):- https://www.facebook.com/PassengerHorror/
The film is based on an undocumented folktale about a white lady ghost appearing on Marble St, West Rutland, Vermont State (VT), USA ...
This is an independent (Indie) film which is being made by Everything Horror Podcasts & Haunted Vermont founder Paul Dulski, living in Vermont State of the US. Paul is also known from the 2014 Vermont Anthology film, DEAD STATIC. As he played Chad Williams in the last tale featured in the horror anthology, The Pittsford Haunted House. The tale is about the folktale of a hitch hiker ghost lady who’s said to appear on a road at night. Paul, being a native of Vermont knows the shooting location well and also the folklore. He has also worked in a horror film and observed the film making art for several years by interviewing film makers and reviewing various indie horror films.
Here's the Kickstarter campaign with more info and links:- https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/pdulski/the-passenger-a-vermont-urban-legend-short-horror-film
Facebook page of the film (Please feel free to ask them your queries):- https://www.facebook.com/PassengerHorror/
The Passenger: A Vermont Urban Legend - Short Horror Film
facebook.comThe Passenger: A Vermont Urban Legend - Short Horror Film. 24 likes. The Passenger: A Vermont Urban Legend is an upcoming Vermont Folklore Short Horror Film, based on the lady in white hitchhiker...
walnuts blogged
A-League Independence
1st July 2019 – a new dawn for Australian football?
The New Leagues Working Group (NLWG) have finally released their work to the public, recommending independence for the professional game in Australia from the vice-like grip of the FFA. Broad details regarding distribution of money between the two organisations have been sorted out, and the paper outlines a strategy to eventually unite the entire football family throughout the country. Due to be ratified on August 1st, the anticipation is high among the football faithful (those who remain, that is).
So the question that remains – is this the correct path for Australian football? After all, the dominant sporting codes are all managed via the national governing body – why should football be different?
The simple answer – money. Money rules the world, or so the banks would like us to believe, and that has never been truer than today. Money has flowed into professional football at such a rate that governing bodies are seeking to limit the influence that cashed up oligarchs have on the beautiful game. This arms race for the best players on the planet has seen player wages skyrocket into the stratosphere – that leaves the A-League at a disadvantage due to our immature football market. Players don’t stick around if they’re any good, as there is always somebody who will pay better overseas.
The A-League clubs, lead by Melbourne City’s Chairman Simon Pearce (who also holds senior positions within the CFG conglomerate as a whole), have long maintained that they, and they alone, can provide the strategic direction to propel the A-League on to greater things. This is a model that is practised in virtually every professional league overseas, the most notable example being the English Premier League. A league so rich that is has become the desirable destination for footballers worldwide.
Should us football fans be worried about an independent A-League creating a walled off ecosystem? As franchise owners, there s considerable concern that the existing teams won’t be open to the prospect of promotion/relegation as that threatens their investment in the game. Or will common sense prevail, and the independent A-League will move towards awakening the giant within?
The 19/20 A-League season is sure to have wide ranging effects on football in the country than just who wins the title.
australian football aleague
The New Leagues Working Group (NLWG) have finally released their work to the public, recommending independence for the professional game in Australia from the vice-like grip of the FFA. Broad details regarding distribution of money between the two organisations have been sorted out, and the paper outlines a strategy to eventually unite the entire football family throughout the country. Due to be ratified on August 1st, the anticipation is high among the football faithful (those who remain, that is).
So the question that remains – is this the correct path for Australian football? After all, the dominant sporting codes are all managed via the national governing body – why should football be different?
The simple answer – money. Money rules the world, or so the banks would like us to believe, and that has never been truer than today. Money has flowed into professional football at such a rate that governing bodies are seeking to limit the influence that cashed up oligarchs have on the beautiful game. This arms race for the best players on the planet has seen player wages skyrocket into the stratosphere – that leaves the A-League at a disadvantage due to our immature football market. Players don’t stick around if they’re any good, as there is always somebody who will pay better overseas.
The A-League clubs, lead by Melbourne City’s Chairman Simon Pearce (who also holds senior positions within the CFG conglomerate as a whole), have long maintained that they, and they alone, can provide the strategic direction to propel the A-League on to greater things. This is a model that is practised in virtually every professional league overseas, the most notable example being the English Premier League. A league so rich that is has become the desirable destination for footballers worldwide.
Should us football fans be worried about an independent A-League creating a walled off ecosystem? As franchise owners, there s considerable concern that the existing teams won’t be open to the prospect of promotion/relegation as that threatens their investment in the game. Or will common sense prevail, and the independent A-League will move towards awakening the giant within?
The 19/20 A-League season is sure to have wide ranging effects on football in the country than just who wins the title.
australian football aleague
insanoflex7 blogged
Sword and Shield Pre-order Inserts!!!
An AWESOME Gamestop employee let me have the Sword and Shield preorder inserts for the Switch boxes yesterday when I was buying a couple extra sun and moon carts to hold excess pokemon! Check em OUT in my gallery!!
insanoflex7 blogged
Even more Pokemon fun today!
Pokemon Sharing all day! Chck out my pics of my cool pokemon collectibles i uploaded! Then ask em for any pokemon you want! I love neoseeker!
insanoflex7 blogged
Another day, another pokemon fest.
Still 5 months to Gen 8, but doesnt mean im not still hacking away at Gen 7! If anyone needs anything, I am stuck at the house a lot cause my car is in the shop right now, so hit me up! I love cloning, pkhexing, or whatever else you need, I can edit ANYTHING (Old gens too 4-6)! Dont need anything in return, but i like breedjects and personally caught pokemon so they are unique and new to me!
Warhawk blogged
Celebrating Pride Month
For all the LGBT people out there and for Pride month. Always trying to make the world a better place for all regardless of orientation.
